


Soulbound: Adventures of the Love Samurai

by SheepishGoat



Series: Soulbound [2]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Crack, Dramatic entrances, Female Reader, Forceful Exits, Gen, Metafiction, Metaphorical Epic Journeys, Only Kind of Unlikely Bonds, Papyrus Fixes Everything, Tags May Change, Trials Which Are Also Metaphorical, don't take this seriously
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-30
Updated: 2018-10-30
Packaged: 2019-08-10 22:17:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16463405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SheepishGoat/pseuds/SheepishGoat
Summary: Love is a double-edged sword.DISCLAIMER: Contains neither samurai nor swords.(A series of one-shot crackfics related to my significantly more serious work-in-progress story, Soulbound.)





	Soulbound: Adventures of the Love Samurai

**Author's Note:**

> I spent two days trying to come up with a summary for the main work, and this is what came out instead.
> 
> ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

**In a world where monsters roam the surface... And tensions run high... One Determined human-**

 

“Pfft. Seriously, guys?” you chuckle, interrupting the pitch. “Isn't the whole 'in a world' thing just a _little_ cheesy?”

 

“Look, do you want our help or not?!”

 

“Sorry, sorry. Continue.”

 

**In a world where monsters roam the surface... And tensions run high... One Determined human will face impossible trials... Forge unlikely bonds... And fight the forces of evil... On an epic journey... To learn the true meaning of hope... Compassion... And love.**

 

**Coming this season to Archive of Our Own,**

 

**S O U L B O U N D: The Love Samurai**

 

**Love is a double-edged sword.**

 

…

 

You break down laughing. Alphys turns bright red and Undyne crosses her arms, narrowing her single yellow eye at you. “Why- Why are there-” you struggle out through your laughter. “ _Why are there so many weird pauses?_ ”

 

“That's what you DO in trailers!” Undyne shouts defensively.

 

“It's a s- _summary_ , not- not a trailer!” you say, trying to get yourself back under control.

 

“I LIKED IT!” Papyrus chimes in.

 

“It didn't even have anything to do with the story!” You're a little exasperated, but you can't really be mad. It's too funny. “I'm not a samurai!”

 

“A-are you saying you _don't_ go on an epic journey?” Alphys questions, adjusting her glasses as the blush starts to fade from her face.

 

“I mean it is _kind of_ a journey? But I don't know about 'epic'...”

 

“but you _do_ face trials,” Sans points out. “and i'm pretty sure the whole 'unlikely bonds' thing is a main selling point of the fanfic.”

 

“Well... Yeah... But is 'unlikely' really the word for it? It's Undertale fan fiction, it would have been more surprising if I _hadn't_ befriended you guys.”

 

“sure. but what about in the context of the story?”

 

You hesitate, thinking it over. “...I guess that's-” You cut yourself off with a blink when you realize what he's doing. “Hey, wait! Don't try to distract me!”

 

“whaddya mean?” He's wearing that shit-eating grin of his.

 

“I. AM. NOT. A. SAMURAI. I've never used a sword! I don't even fight evil!”

 

“I believe you mean you don't fight evil _yet_ , my dear.”

 

“Gaster? What are _you_ doing here? You're not even in this arc!”

 

He just shrugs at you.

 

You run a hand down your face. This is getting ridiculous. You've got to get it under control before it becomes any more meta. “Okay guys, look. All we need is a simple summary for this story arc. Something short, accurate, and appealing. It just needs to cover a few easy points: the Barrier's been down for twelve years, monsters and humans are still struggling to coexist, I recently moved to Ebott, and I've been feeling pretty alone in the world, at least until a certain chance encounter on the street changes everything for me.”

 

"Well then why not just say THAT?!" Undyne demands.

 

"Because it's too... generic. It needs some style, you know? A little mystique, some drama-"

 

You're interrupted by the sound of the door flying open as Mettaton comes bursting in, complete with a small explosion of glittery confetti.

 

"Did someone say ' _drama_ '?" he asks, striking a pose that's way too over the top, even for a sequence this ridiculous.

 

The room is silent but for the beat of "It's Showtime!" playing quietly from the speakers in his chest. You continue to stare at him for a second before turning to the skeleton beside you. "Sans?"

 

"on it," he says, left eye flashing as he extends a hand towards the robot.

 

“But darling!” Mettaton pleads, clasping his hands together in front of him for maximum effect. “I'm a part of this story too, you can't just- Wha- HEY!” he squawks as Sans' magic lifts him off his feet and tosses him out of the room.

 

Undyne steps over to the door, closing and locking it without a word.

 

There's a beat of silence.

 

“So yeah, it needs to be a little more exciting,” you say, picking up the conversation again. “Nothing crazy; going overly artistic is just as bad as being boring. It just needs to stand out a bit.”

 

“THE FIRST CHAPTER IS FROM SANS' PERSPECTIVE, CORRECT? WHY NOT DO THE SAME FOR THE SUMMARY? CERTAINLY THAT'S A LESS COMMON TACTIC!” Papyrus posits.

 

“You'd be surprised,” you say dryly.

 

“HMM. WELL... WHY NOT DO IT ANYWAY? PICTURE IT!” he says, bending down to put an arm around your shoulders and pressing you into his side. He gestures wildly with his other arm as he speaks, gazing into the distance of the living room. “SANS, JUST A SIMPLE, LONELY, UNHYGIENIC, LAZY, EXCEEDINGLY SHORT—“

 

“i think we get it, bro.”

 

“—SKELETON MONSTER, WAKES UP TO WHAT HE THINKS IS JUST ANOTHER DREARY DAY ON THE SURFACE. BUT LITTLE DOES HE KNOW, HE'S ABOUT TO MEET SOMEONE WHO WILL CHANGE HIS LIFE FOREVER; HIS ONE TRUE LOVE!!”

 

You squint at him. “Isn't that just a _little_ misleading?”

 

He squints back for a moment before abruptly releasing you and turning to Sans, who looks like he wants to be literally anywhere else. “WELL, BROTHER, I TRIED.”

 

“thanks, paps,” the sweaty skeleton says, smile strained and blushing a vibrant shade of blue.

 

“Don't worry,” Gaster says, patting him on the head with a sympathetic smile. “If there is anything to be learned from this fandom, it is that you will inevitably find love one day. Even if it's with an alternate version of you from a parallel reality.”

 

“will you get _outta_ here already, old man?!” Sans snarls, smacking the hand off of his skull.

 

Gaster just chuckles lightly before fading out of existence.

 

“C'mon guys, focus,” you say, snapping your fingers a few times. You need to get whatever this has turned into back on track. “The first chapter goes up in two days, we've got to have a summary for it by then.”

 

“We should lay out exactly what it needs to, um...” Alphys says, voice weakening when everyone turns their attention to her. “T-to accomplish? Maybe?”

 

“Yeah, that's probably a good idea,” you tell her, nodding. “Alright. So. To recap, we need a short summary to represent our story on Archive of Our Own. It needs to be simple and accurate, and appealing enough to draw people in, without being so confusing that it becomes uninteresting or pretentious.”

 

“Wait, so you're s-saying it needs to demand attention w-without being annoying?” the little dinosaur monster asks.

 

She's clearly got an idea. “That's one way to put it, yeah. What're you getting at?”

 

“W-what I mean is, the summary should be... _Loud, but lovable??_ ”

 

You blink down at her for just a moment. Then everyone in the room turns to look at Papyrus.

 

“...WHAT?”

 

How did you not think of that?

 

A grin stretches over your face. “Alphys, you're a _genius._ ”

 

“O-oh! I! Uh! Th-thank you??”

 

“So, Papyrus,” you say. “How would you, personally, describe the first few chapters we'll be posting?”

 

“NYEH HEH HEH!” he cackles, having perked up at the question. “IS THAT ALL? WELL, HUMAN, PREPARE TO FEAST YOUR EARS”—he pauses to strike a confident pose, his cape fluttering behind him in a sudden gust of wind from nowhere—“ON MY DELECTABLE STORYTELLING PROWESS!!”

 

You and the others clap appropriately at the impressive display.

 

“YOU SEE, IT'S THE AGE-OLD STORY...”

 

Oh yeah. He'll do just fine.

 

**Author's Note:**

> What's that, ya say? Posting this before the main story was a mistake?
> 
> Pshh. You sound just like my beta readers.
> 
> This is all part of my Grand Artistic Vision. Or my GAV, for short. (Please note that I don't actually have a GAV. I'm GAVless. A GAV-not.)
> 
> But! If you read and somehow enjoyed this, keep an eye open for my main work, Soulbound!
> 
> Either way, thanks for reading!


End file.
